The Power of the Energy of the Collective

Weeks before the Maha Shivratri day, the Chinmaya Mission sent out a flyer with the day's Program. It was scheduled for a 6:00 am start. This year, I intended to attend all the pujas, never mind my embarrassment with not knowing the mantras and rituals which even some of the children seem to slide into effortlessly! 

My internal body clock must have made a note of my resolution, because come Maha Shivratri day, I was up at 4:00 am feeling refreshed. It was the golden hour and the Temple called. Old habits and inhibitions die hard and instead I sat and journaled, not listening to my small voice which I felt growing fainter with disappointment. 

Finally the urge became too strong to resist, and I left late morning, thinking I will arrive before the activities conclude for the morning session and make my small donation. Besides, I wanted to take the loquats from our tree which I did along with some apples. It will also be an opportunity to partake of the Mahaprasad, the divine feast. 

I arrived to the sacred fire leaping and dancing to the holy chanting by the priests. It is just wonderful to be present for the pujas whether or not one participates. Handing over my small offerings to the amazingly dedicated volunteers, I sat down at the edge of the outermost circle of people, and made a brief but polite interaction with the woman next to me. 

Soon enough, the puja concluded and we all performed the Parikrama and then went for the Aarati in the main hall, where an announcement was made about a special Linga reveal at midnight. It sounded magical, and stirred a deep longing in me to attend. After the Mahaprasad, and a quick stop to pick up some books I returned home. 

The second part of the celebrations were to begin at 3:00 pm and last into the night. Several of the devotees were fasting and special meals were provided for them. Some women had brought a change of clothes so they could take rest in the afternoon, in the temple itself. The devoted are a class apart, and I am in so much awe of them, having personally never had a regular religious routine after my late twenties, which I wish wasn't the case. When you return to religion as an older adult, especially after straying due to disillusionment, it is not easy because somewhere the thread of continuity is broken and one's sense of self feels inadequate, and doubts return. 

With the best of intentions of going back to the temple, something in me hesitated and kept me home. By early evening I decided to sit for a quick meditation. It was an unbelievable meditative experience, even though there was no special effort on my part. The fragrance was so strong that I was reluctant to open my eyes, fully knowing that if I do, it would go away. Between my blissfully closed eyes, a contented smile and inner sense of peaceful joy, I tried to guess what it was, continuously thinking lotus, and consciously sniffing while taking in deep breaths trying to capture this out of the world sensory pleasure inside me. Just the thought of that meditation transports me to the possibilities. It was so special and so powerful, it is indescribable. 

I cannot explain in words my feelings afterwards either. Except, what did I do? I kept pushing back the time when I would leave to go for the midnight Darshan. At 7:30 pm I looked at the time, then again at 9:00 pm and frequently after that. When I went to bed around 11:40, I knew I was going to regret my not having gone back for the midnight hour reveal. I do, very much so. There are no reasons, no excuses, and no answer as to what restrained me. It was not tardiness. Probably a lack of wisdom? Perhaps my only saving grace is that I acknowledge I should have acted upon my deep urge and gone for the midnight Darshan. 

Maybe I'm not quite there yet with the temple going, but that's a huge punishment I inflict upon myself. It is a place for spiritual cleansing, and of spiritual empowerment. It was the Energy of the Collective, the Puja and their participation which came back with me as a gift of that sublime meditation. 

Veenu Banga
March 08, 2019.

Music: an opportunity of self discovery?

There's opportunity to discover things about ourselves, that we frequently fail to be aware of at an assuredly Conscious level. These opportunities are available to us all the time. Most of the time, we may not notice that particular 'knowledge' to be a part of us, as in having influenced us, or if we do, we don't associate that with saying something about us. For me at least, I think. 

This post has to be dedicated to Rangsook, a gifted Curator and Museum Administrator. She is the reason, I made this 'musical' discovery about myself, and articulated it in response to her inviting me to join them at an Anoushka Shankar Sitar Concert, coming up in Gainsville on March 18th. I responded with:
"Rangsook, I’m not a huge fan of the sitar, unless there’s lots of good tabla with it. I much prefer Shehnai, and adore Bismillah Khan. Also Flute, I suppose I have a weakness for the wind instruments rather than string. Like string if accompanied with piano."

Even as I wrote that, I realized that while it was true, I had never verbalized my preferences about musical instruments. I just listened to whatever it was I was 'into' at any given time. I suppose, it was because I have no education in music and never considered myself qualified to have an opinion about one instrument or another. 

I think of this as a weakness, and feel we are entitled to our preferences, and should be assertive about them. That makes us who we are. As you can tell, this awareness comes from a new found sense of confidence. In my mid 60's, I'd say it's about time. 

This Flute issue has stayed me for the last few days and I pondered further, as to why it never occurred to me sooner to proactively pursue my preferences, and voice my opinion about my musical instrument preferences! Though in all honesty, sometimes I do, having attended Andrea Bocelli's concert last month, (not cheap) and thoroughly enjoying it. 

To get back to the Flute. My thoughts went back to one late afternoon, as I sat in the Hindu temple in the lingering light of a mellow Florida winter. It was at a sad time in my life, as someone very dear to me lay dying on another continent, and all I could do was pray for them. Helplessness brings tremendous guilt and at such times, one can only seek the Savior.  

I sat in the middle of the Prayer hall, so all the Deities on the three sides of the room, could hear my prayers. 'Vaishnav Jan', played on the flute, and it filled me with a sense of longing to be with this family member, as the vocals of this song are an apt description of their personality. While tears streamed down my bowed head, there was a moment, when I knew their time on this earth was over. I left with a sense of sadness and sorrow and within minutes, just as I was pulling out of the temple gates, I got the phone call. 

To come back to the present, interestingly I noted that the music I'm 'into' these days, or what I've been listening to now, does have a strong flute element, and I had noticed that when I first heard this singer and composer, that he uses flute quite frequently. One is "Meetha, Meetha". Shivpreet Singh is accompanied with Flute/ Bansuri by Prasanna, who is just amazing. I would go to his concert if he ever came to town. 

However, I'm not totally averse to string, as I discovered while listening to Shivpreet Singh sing "Ek Ek Raghunath". He has an amazing voice, which makes you forget that there are techno sounds in there too. I would never imagine enjoying that, but the fact that he has elements of the classical in his compositions makes them enduringly pleasurable. 

While mulling over musical instruments, it occurred to me that maybe the Flute and Shehnai speak to me more because they use breath. Breath comes from within and close to the heart. While all music comes from the heart, flute comes from Breath, the essence of Life. 

Strings are manipulated by the fingers, and nothing wrong with that, we survive with the use our hands. Even to make a flute, we would need hands. Hands do all kinds of work, and good deeds and bad, and therein lies the choice. Maybe that's why the gopis were enchanted with the sounds from Krishna's flute, it made a heart to heart connection? 

Veenu Banga
March 8, 2019.