Yin and Yang, and night and day

Light and darkness both come to go away. On this day, BA and JM, the birthday of one and the death anniversary of the other. They were my soft spot to land. They were my days to celebrate, and they were the joys without fail. They were the summer that was never late. In a life of harsh winters, they were my escape. 

I had my first official nervous breakdown at age 20. The perpetrator took pride in orchestrating this, my plight, as a fair trade for alleviating pain that otherwise may have befallen him. He boasted, in fact, about his skill in averting, what may have been disastrous for 'his' people, even though his allegiance should have been to his child. No matter. Having been conditioned early to endure the perpetrator's injustice, I somehow rode it out. 

I knew I had others who loved me beyond measure, and they were enough, and then some. So, despite the horrors of oppression and false insinuations against a child by a group of adults, I must have instinctively known there was more to life. Life as I experienced it, filled with loving and caring, even adulation, I may add, whenever I was in the presence of this other side of my family, which included BA and JM. 

This day is the birthday of my BA, and it is the death anniversary of my JM. They were both brother and sister, devoted to each other and the family. They had both made tremendous personal sacrifices and did do cheerfully, out of a sense of responsibility, and with great clarity of purpose. They lived honorably, were successful, and were highly venerated by those they encountered in their professional and personal lives. They had no enemies. Everyone who knew them had a good word for them. Today, as I think of them with loving memories brimming in my heart, I am beyond thankful to have had them both in my life. They held me in my lowest hours, so much so that I did not feel the pinch of what I was going through. If anything, I should have done more for them. The best of me is what would have been their best reward. They deserved that as it would have been born of their nurturing. Unfortunately, that was not to be, in the circumstances I was placed in. 

We all have the winters of our lives, some more so than others. We wouldn't know how good or bad we've had it because it's all relative. Overall, I would say my winters have all been bearable. I'm grateful for that, for the warmth, both physical and emotional, that was accorded to me despite and by the circumstances the good lord placed me in. So on this winter's day, in looking back, to loss and to gain, to the joys and the sorrows, overall, I still have so much to be thankful for. 

Today, I'm also thankful for the deliciously crisp and sweet green grapes I've been munching on. 

I'm grateful for the print magazines loved ones have saved for me, so I can read them when I visit, as they know my fondness for the printed word—the printed word, which is in my blood. But more on that another time. 

I'm grateful to be in touch with my childhood friends, who knew me then for what my circumstances were and who I was and know me now, and love me still. I'm comfortable with them too, more so now, as some of the trauma of my childhood has eroded. 

I'm grateful to have overcome the shame that was not mine but projected on me to deflect it away from those who pointed fingers in my direction. Today I know better, but it's been a long time coming. I'm tempted to say that I regret this realization did not come sooner, so those who loved me and are no more could have seen me restored, at least somewhat. However, we reconcile with what we cannot fight, and I will say it was not my time, and perhaps those who wronged me knew no better. 

There are no good or bad people; we are all just people. We're all victims of the human condition. Some say the 'time' is bad. Here I beg to disagree, for whatever time we have is all good if we have it. If we have time, we have life. As long as there is life, there is hope, and where there is hope, there is possibility. With possibility, anything is possible. That is a lot to be grateful for! 

Veenu Banga

December 7th, 2021

10: 22 pm. 

On 12/06/2021

 “Got nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse,” said the notice board outside a Baptist church on Wekiva Springs Road. I had read this some years ago, and it has stayed with me. 

This came to mind today as I sat down to write. I was going to start this piece with, “what’s not to be grateful for, as long as we are alive?’ And then I remembered the church board quote again, and thought, let me give it credit for saying it so eloquently.

Among other things in the month of a December, I’m grateful for the four seasons, especially as I live in a place where it’s warmer than most places, for most of the year. It’s not just the magic in each season, but also how everything changes. Even the demeanor of the birds is different. I saw a lone crow almost shivering today. In the summer, they’re more social, but come winter, even birds don’t get out much. 

It’s also in December, that the winter solstice quietly happens, and the countdown to Spring officially begins as the nights suddenly start growing shorter and the days start to become longer. Silently, softly, gently, effortlessly, regularly, unnoticed and without fail turn the hands of time. 

From one solstice to the next life happens with its own dark and bright days, away from the cycle of nature. People are distracted by the so called day to day ‘real’ life, when actually the reality of the universe is not in our control. 

Today, on the 6th day of a December, I’m also happy about a phone call from a friend.I’m thankful for the gentle rain that watered our yards, and gracefully receded, allowing the sun to shine through. 

I’m grateful I resisted You Tube, not out of a sense of triumph, but more out of respect of the fact that I can do without it naturally. It was a day of simple pleasures, courier deliveries, reading, listening to a podcast, and eating hot food. 

I’m grateful for the yawn that reminds me sleep beckons, and I must heed its call. So on that dreamy note, a very good night to all! 

Veenu

12/06/2021.

11:05 pm.

Grateful on 12/05/2021

Trains and trams and scooters and bikes

A land famed for it tulips and dikes, 

And eels, and cheese, and clogs and more,

Canals and Quirky buildings galore

As if that was not enough, cafe’s that explore

Ideas for sustainability, recycling, and more..

Today I want to mention Repair Cafes, something that’s been on my gratitude list for s couple of weeks now. What a joy to find one, and use it! I never thought there are others like me. 

I mean we’ve all heard that, ‘we’re are more alike than different,’ and words to such effect. One wonders where those alike people are. One finds them in the uncanniest of ways. I’m not sure I know anyone who will use a cloth ‘thela’ (bag) instead of a large purse, just to be eco friendly and also be oneself, if you find them comfortable and so much lighter on one’s shoulders. So when I heard about the repair cafe, I was naturally intrigued. 

To cut to the chase, the Repair Cafe we used is manned by volunteers who have retired from related businesses, and are now doing this to make a statement about their beliefs and for pleasure. 

Yes, they really did the job. Our toaster wouldn’t keep the bread down on its own, and we had to manually hold it. Well, guess what, they fixed it! I have always believed Mechanical engineering to be far under-rated, and electronic and computer related streams tend to be overrated. So this was a breath of fresh air! 

I am definitely thankful for the Repair Cafes doing their bit for the world. 

More about Repair Cafes here: 

1) https://cardiffjournalism.co.uk/intercardiff/science-environment/repair-cafe-a-strong-community-is-a-more-ecologically-aware-community

2) https://www.rapidtransition.org/stories/make-do-and-mend-the-rise-of-repair-cafes/

3) https://repaircafewales.org/about-us/y

I am also grateful for FaceTime for obvious reasons, and for WhatsApp. It took me a long time to embrace WhatsApp, and it still repulses me to some extent. I just did not want one more thing to eat into my time, and certainly not a great fan of the alerts. Everything becomes an emergency, like the boy who cried wolf. Very scary to think that someone may not answer a real alert, being desensitized by the constant barrage of jingles. Fortunately, you can shut them off. 

All of us with a roof over our head and food on the table have a lot to be thankful for. That’s why those of us who have, should be charitable towards those that do not. My favorite charity is Habitat for Humanity, followed by the Salvation Army, and Orlando Rescue Mission. 

This season, may all have something to be thankful for!

Veenu Banga

December 5th, 2021

9:45 pm.

Grateful for safe passage on 12/04/2021

Trains, planes and automobiles! So goes the saying. Boats, ferries, ships and sailings. The many ways we go from place to place. 

I’m sailing, and you’re with me. As always when I’m doing something exciting or see something I like or enjoy, I want to share it with you. But physically you’re not here, yet in my thoughts you’re there, always. 

Come nightfall and in my peaceful solitude, in the quiet of my bed, under the warm quilt of Australian wool, undisturbed and unnoticed, I think of you. Not voluntarily. You come, and disturb my peace. Then we talk as I invoke the best of you. In you. I think I’m thankful for that too. Do you like traveling with me? They say you’re everywhere. Why then do I say that I take you with me? I don’t know. May be I do, and can’t articulate it? 

It may be because I like the feeling of control, of knowing you are there because I brought you with me. You’re there as easily as when I think of you?

I’m thankful for my nuns. For the teachings of Samyata. Equilibrium. I now accept more, and react less.The nuns did far more for me. They redefined my relationship with you.

I’m grateful for my imagination. It rescues me from frequently having to accost unwanted tracts of memory. 

I’m grateful for NPR. For its podcasts which are a delight to listen to on the road. Wait, wait, don’t tell me, Hidden Brain, Planet Money. For their Masterpiece stories. God bless all the benefactors for their generosity which brings us these treasure. Too many to name. Series such as Bridgerton, Grantchester, the Jane Austen shows, Death in Paradise, Miss Marple, Father Brown, Doc Martin. Again far too many to mention I’m grateful for Ted Lasso.

What a blessing to appreciate all these wonderful things one has been exposed to. I wish I had started doing this sooner!

Veenu

December 04, 2021

9:38 pm.

Two things to be grateful for on 12/03/2021

 

Super impressed with myself! Three days in a row. This morning I had thought I would write and get it done with sooner so as to go to bed early. However, did not happen, and it’s 10:20 pm already, and the washing machine has signaled its job is done, and its now mine to hang it up. 

I’m not a fan of the dryer, primarily since I mostly use cottons, and some are colored with vegetable dyes. Besides, it’s not good for the environment, and definitely not kind to the fabrics. 

This reminds me of Kalamkari, the real stuff that is made in Tamilnadu, uses vegetable dyes, and never needs ironing when hung out to dry neatly. Will fade in the sun, or even with simple exposure to UV rays, and its colors will run, unless they’re first soaked in salt water, or vinegar, when still new and definitely before the first wash. So I guess I’m grateful for being taught early on, thanks to my mother, to the vast treasure of handlooms and other artesian products, especially fabric, thanks to my dear mother.

In India, they’re easy to source and every family would or rather Should own at least a few pieces from a Co-optex, APCO, or Khadi (popularized by Mahatma Gandhi) stores. Co-optex has great sheets and pillow covers, and even Sarees.

In Delhi, there is a whole Road of State Emporiums (Baba Kharak Singh marg) selling wares of their respective states, mainly cottage industry products. My mother was a huge patron of these shops and back in the day, we purchased several small pieces of gold jewelry from KAIRALI, the Kerala Emporium, sandalwood stuff, and silks from KAVERI, the Karnataka emporium, Andhra silk saress from LEPAKSHI, the Andra Pradesh emporium, dresses from GURJARI, the Gujarat emporium, and several other items such as table linens, and curtains , comforters, etc. from the Assam, and Orissa emporiums, (they have great one of a kind woven curtains, and I still have some) and a few others, but these were my mother’s favorites. There was also the pricey Cottage Industries Emporium on Janpath (old name, Queenway) which we only rarely went to. 

Even after she left Delhi, my mother continued to buy from these shops whenever she visited Delhi, which was not often, because she preferred Bombay, and later, Mangalore as she lived with her son, and when my brother’s job took him to Hyderabad, it seemed Mummy had come home. She loved everything about the place, the people, the culture, the gardens where she could walk, and it had a warehouse size shop, called KALANJALI, which became her favorite go to place for all things! She wore clothes made of KALANJALI fabrics, and I got the benefit of that as well. In fact, the salesman in Kalanjali stores remembered me when I went on my second trip to Hyderabad years later. Here I also discovered Thanjavur paintings and indulged myself with a few. And stone and wood statues. 

I still have silk curtains that I purchased in India, and Oriya silk from the Orissa emporium in Hyderabad. Mummy was lavish with her gifts, especially if they supported artisans. I later passed on this to my children, and they are even more hardcore culture vultures than me. This may be a trip down memory lane, but it’s also something that gave me tremendous joy then, and even now, I write with a huge smile on my face. Yes, definitely, definitely something to be grateful for! 

Well, this tirade went on for far longer than I had anticipated, so I will keep the second part short. It’s not what I intended to write about today, but for the sake of brevity, I will say I’m grateful for a wonderful French bakery, where I’ve been buying my breads. Today I indulged myself and got a raspberry tartlet. I was blown away, it was really good. Coming from me, that means really, really, very good, because I don’t ever eat fruit tarts and other sugary baked goods that are piled high in the breakfast buffets of hotels in America. This was the gentlest whipped cream, which you could barely see, and with no/ nada/ none/ added sugars, so one could get the gentle and natural sweetness of the cream, and the mild tartness of the raspberries. Again, not a tartness fan, but this indulgent buy on a whim, was well worth it! I will try strawberry the next time. 

So this is it. Two more things to be grateful for, and thankful God’s day is safely and happily done. Big gratitude for that too. The moon rests easy, barely visible now, it being amavasya today, or tomorrow? It will again start to grow in the coming days. Overcast skies hide the stars, which is a good reminder, that they are still there, we just don’t see them. And, no, they haven’t lost their shine, it just is God’s way. Always perfect. 

Veenu

December 3rd, 2021.

11:41 pm 

Two things on 12/2/20221

I think it’s a good idea to count down to the new year, by expressing gratitude for this one. No length of time is going to be perfect for everybody. However, whether we know it then or not, we all learn and grow from whatever our experiences in our life.

With age comes wisdom, and that is certainly a big thing to be thankful for. Other than that, the many little things, the many serendipities in our life, our many friends and acquaintances, and the good times we have had with them, are all worthy of our gratitude. 

When I started this day, I had other things in mind, and now at the day’s close, there’s something more unique to be thankful for.

The first should really be the nice discussion I had on our post dinner walk. We spoke about Banksy. Though I’ve known about him for many years, and even know someone who owns an autographed limited edition print, which I have seen, there were stories of his escapades in Bristol (Banks’s hometown) and more notably in LA and NYC, that made for interesting conversation. 

The second thing to be thankful for today, was the most delicious sugar sweet blueberries that I had today. Finished off the whole container. Btw, fruit does not taste the same everywhere. Such a pity. Why the heck does food taste different in the USA. Do you suppose it could be the water? 

I still haven’t written what I really want to write about. Maybe it will come someday.

This is a start. There’s so much to be thankful for. Actually, I’m also very thankful for You Tube. It has brought the music back into my life. It gives me so much pleasure to see a huge revival of OP Nayyar songs, being sung by everyday young people. Today’s discovery was this one: https://youtu.be/iUGtb2WJsPs made perfectly their own, with their regional accents, which made it even more delightfully individualized. I have seen a lot many other such videos too, from all parts of India. OP Nayyar’s compositions have so much joy, and that he used Asha Bhonsle far more than Lataji is pivotal to the fact, that it was his intention to have that joie de vivre which is the undertone in Asha Ji’s voice. 

So I felt quite ashamed that I complain about You Tube taking me down a rabbit hole so to speak, in search of the next soundtrack, when actually it’s my own lack of will power to blame. If anything, You Tube has revived a certain enthusiasm that I seemed to have lost along the way. 

Let me leave you with a surprise singer singing my favorite OP Nayyar song: https://youtu.be/4EMHLbif4As What impressed me here, was not just that it was a Pakistani singer, but they had a real orchestra of sorts, no keyboard crap that imitates all the musical instruments. Seems fake and dishonest, and does a disservice to music. Maybe, I don’t know enough, and feel that way, so please forgive me if anyone reading knows better. The man here actually plays the violin, an instrument that usually has a foreboding sound in movies and because of that, it normally completely turns me off. Here however, it is absolutely delightful and charming. Only OP Nayyar can make a violin sound so romantic! My heart is smiling and still singing this song. 

Veenu 

December 2, 2021.

11:53 pm.

Two things

The two things to be thankful for, was originally going to be for things on November 30th. Anyway, come December and we are still here with the grace of God, and what more can we ask for? 

So many looking forward to put 2020 behind us, and that’s understandable. However, what ever the circumstances, we have learned and we have grown, so it’s all good. 

The small things are really the most enjoyable, such as a good pizza, so I am grateful for discovering the pizza that Nynka makes, it’s the best. I’m also grateful for my digestion that I can eat it two times a week on some weeks.

Also thankful for You Tube (yes, that thing, again!) for the exciting journeys we’ve traveled together, both inwards and outwards. 

Forget now what the original second thing was, but that’s okay too. Just thankful for the opportunity to be thankful. That’s a great thing in itself, is it not? 

Veenu

1st December 2021.

10;03 pm.