Over the years

 We change so much. It seems every seven years, our body is all new, and has the ability to create new cells. Don’t quote me on this, I read it somewhere, and can’t vouch for the source, since I do not remember it. 

When I look at some of my belongings, that I had saved for either sentimental reasons, or because I had a fondness of for them, I realize they no longer excite me like they once did. 

For the longest time, I was very fond of wearing perfume, and would match it to my mood of the day, or with the dress or occasion. That was my only cosmetic. With the result I have accumulated a good collection of some very fine perfumes. 

My favorite perfume however, was a German perfume called Petra by Kleiner. It was a small square bottle that I never found again, and it is now extinct- and I use that word to convince myself that it no longer exists, even in memory. However, I still have the bottle, so I know it once was. I preferred it to the Channels I had, and still have in my collection. 

Another perfume that everyone complemented me when I wore it was I think called Red, from Geogio of Beverly Hills (not Armani) and I personally did not care for it so much, but everyone thought it was very flattering on me. However, what I wore most was Eternity by Calvin Klein, and I even had to buy a second bottle. Then I graduated to Pink, from YSL. I had quite a few of their perfumes, including Opium. Miss Dior, and Dior Dior were others that I owned, amongst the very many that were in my collection. Some were too strong for my tastes, like Poison, which was all the rage, when it came out. Then one day, I just stopped using perfume, and it’s been over a decade since I last wore any. 

When I look back at that person, I see someone very different to the face in the mirror. 

Another very big change in my life has been my waking up late on several days, and my lack of walking in the morning. There was a time, for the most and best part of my life, when, if I woke up after sunrise, I would have a headache for the rest of the day. I had to be up before dawn to start my day. I would leave to go for a walk while it was still dark, and come back home, escorted by the rising sun. An hour to ninety minutes every morning was a routine I cherished. It was a part of my life in Delhi and Bombay. 

I don’t know when life threw a spanner on this, my sacred routine. Sometimes life creeps up on you, and if you’re not present in the moment, in every single moment of one’s life, it can derail you with unhappy consequences. 

I was a brisk walker, and almost 90% of time if I had to go somewhere I would walk, notably from our house in Pandara Road, to my grandparents place on Babar Road. I usually covered the distance in 30 minutes or less. I miss that person dearly. 

So the question is, if we change every seven years, do we ‘change’, or do we ‘evolve?’ Are these two conditions interchangeable? I don’t think I want to dwell on that too much. 

The purpose of reminiscing should not be an exercise in sadness, or a longing to go back. Rather it should be to harness one’s intrinsic abilities to enhance the quality of life in our present situation. It is more important to dwell in the present moment, and with constant reminding, I’m more easily, and more frequently able to do that. If we knew something once, we cannot forget it, unless certain abilities have been compromised, mental or physical. 

I think our priorities change with our life’s circumstances, and we shed parts of ourself along the way. However, I do think we should continue to make efforts to attempt that which we loved doing at some point in our lives, if only to nurture our talents. 

For the last few years I have been buying watercolors and artists paper pads with the intention of starting to paint again. I’ve also accumulated a lot of fabrics, mostly handlooms from India, hoping to get back to sewing, something I never learned formally, but enjoyed doing for myself. Procrastination has got the better of me. 

Over the years, life takes us on different paths, and we rise to the occasion and show up to do what needs to be done. There are only that many hours in the day, so we pick up new skills and travel new roads to get to where life is taking us. 

It’s okay to reminisce I tell myself, in those moments when we have time to ‘stand and stare,’. In certain things we see the past, we catch it in the whiff of fragrance, we catch it in the sunrise. We catch vignettes of our past in our children, and sometimes, in those moments we catch happiness which pervades our present moments. Now, that is something to be thankful for. 

Veenu Banga

07, January 2022.

11:54 pm.