He’s got the whole world in His hands!

 This morning, if someone were to ask me what our plans were for this New Year’s Eve, I wouldn’t know what my response would have been. We are just grateful to be together this year. There’s so much catching up to do. All the big and the small and mundane stuff. Besides with all the restrictions and caution advised, any plans would likely be without much fanfare. A privately held celebration of sorts, celebrating togetherness.

The last few days have been fleeting fast, and I’m mixing up my days of the week and dates, so much so that the 31st crept up upon me, while knowingly, yet quietly, as if trying to go unnoticed. I’m not one who was wishing the year to be over, and neither am I too crazy about seeking out the thrill of a celebration. I’m happier in my own company, or with the nearness of those, who I truly dearly feel I can show my honest self to. That’s exactly how the evening unfolded. He knows, after all- having the ‘whole world in His hands’, as the children’s nursery rhyme goes.  

We had to be out and about, and had a few errands planned as well. Left after lunch, completed some errands and then decided to do Costco as well. Finished with Costco and then were headed to pick up sarson saag and makki rotis, along with specialties of the area, to take home for dinner. Then had a sudden thought that my friend Surinder lives just around here, and it’s been a while since we saw each other. Called her up and told her where I was and if I could come see her. The delight was evident and her voice, as she said, of course I could come-rather we could come, and to let her know the ETA once I have it. She works from home. 

At the dinner takeaway place, we picked up enough dinner for five. Again called Surinder to say we’d be there in 10 minutes and if we could eat with her, basically inviting ourselves over to her house- for dinner!

The warm welcome of meeting after two years, the hugs, just the joy on her face, reflected in mine and in that of my family upon seeing this kindred spirit again, spoke of celebration in every minute of the welcome. It was a fabulous feeling to be with her again. Surinder’s companionship is complete joy, it’s therapeutic. It was an awesome New Year’s Eve dinner. We had sarson saag, makki rotis, Chana Bhatura, bhindi, baingan Bharat, rotis and achar. With desserts, including ras malai, and juices, tea and lassi all supplied by dear Surinder, we nourished our body and our soul. What an unexpected turn of events, a welcome surprise ending to the day. To the year! What a celebration!

Surinder and I had first met six years ago in a small resort town, north of  Amsterdam. We were both attending a three day workshop. I had been sad and depressed, having lost my mother a few days earlier. With a severe migraine that plagued me for much of the three days, I was confined to my hotel room most of the time. It was a course I was repeating, just because I loved being with the people, who like me, adored my Master so much. So while I did not so much regret missing out on the curriculum, I wished I could have interacted with the group more, because there were several new faces from different parts of the world, though largely Europe. 

It was at breakfast on the last morning, that I noticed Surinder. We were a group of eight or nine women, seated around a large round table. Surinder and I were the only two of Indian origin, among the group of mostly European women. Very kind European women I should say, and we enjoyed great camaraderie. 

It was our concluding day, so the curriculum was light, and everyone was gearing to go back home, so obviously we discussed travel plans, among talk of keeping in touch and exchanging views of how we imbibed in our daily lives, what we had learned at the workshop.

Since my mother had passed away just a few days ago, I was in very poor shape. I wasn’t exactly grieving, and had even refused to go to the funeral, as I could not see her turn to dust. My mother, who was the strongest person I knew, having fought and prevailed over adversity most of her life, had given in; her heart broken by her choice of silence, because some truths cannot be exposed by speech. Some truths have to be realized by all those who are in the situation. They have to be seen, with open eyed and non biased awareness, they have to be known, to be felt with compassion by those, who consciously or inadvertently have been perpetuating a wrong doing. Some tasks should not be delegated, because when they are, sometimes the ownership can be contaminated beyond recognition. My mother saw no point fighting against a relentless enemy. Those who could have helped, were clearly blindfolded, including myself. That was hard to forgive. 

We can forgive others, because at some point the thorn of un-forgiveness cuts so deep, that it’s easier to put up with the one time suffering of pulling it out of one’s life, just so we don’t prolong our misery. But when the thorn is self inflicted, and penetrating from inside out, how do you rid yourself of that? How could I forgive myself, how does one remove this thorn, when one clearly encouraged the thorn to be festered by the negativity of guilt for not having done better? 

My blindfolds came off far too late. I can’t say for others. Some blindfolds however, are best left on, on the eyes of the wearer, for their own perceived happiness. It’s best not to ruffle the air if it blows in discord. Sometimes the darkness of ignorance is better to the blinding light of injustices and untruthful allegations that must be borne in the name of keeping the peace. I was guilty of the silence too. Yes, silence covers wounds like a scab that never heals, that never falls off, but at the slightest friction it prods the pain to awake. 

It was in hindsight that things were becoming clearer, and I was a confused, guilt ridden wreck of emotions that had manifested as the migraine, amongst other agonizing symptoms in my body.

As you can tell, I was clearly a messy heap of turmoil unable to function normally. I was not in position to travel alone. Certainly not internationally, with connecting flights. Staying on in the hotel, would be being alone amongst strangers. 

God must have been watching out for me. He sent Surinder as my guardian angel. This woman, who was a stranger in the morning, sat across me at the airport in the afternoon, as I poured my heart out to her. She had carried my bags first in the bus to the train station, then on the train to the airport, which was quite far. I was unable to do anything for myself with the pain that wracked my body and tormented my soul. Surinder booked me on the same flight as hers. She took me home, made tea for us, and fed me. I felt somewhat revived, having earlier purged myself of some of the pain, under her care, and with the help of her compassionate ear. 

Surinder then herself drove me over an hour to where I could be in the care of family, and continue on my journey with them. It was quite late at night by now. She ensured I was going to be okay, and then drove back home the hour or more, despite us having flown internationally earlier that day. 

Surinder’s kindness to a stranger, her love of humanity, her outstanding personality, and her forthcoming compassion are fine examples of a true friendship that was born that day. 

On this closing day of a difficult year for much of humanity, I was reminded again, of this woman, who’s generosity of Spirit is a rare find these days. Yes, with friends like these in our lives, we have a lot to be grateful for. 

Veenu

01/01/2022

12:00 am