In Loving Memoriam of Sarjit Mama

"To Know him was to love him," Phil Spector was inspired by these very words on his Father's tombstone, to write the song, "To know him is to love him." For all of us who knew Sarjit Mama, it was the same. If you knew him, you loved him. There was no other option. My family, my children and the extended maternal family, were all blessed to have him in our lives.

It is hard to believe he is gone, and I'm not alone feeling this. Over two hundred other people came out today, June 5th, 2014 to pay their last respects and bid farewell to a good man, a great friend, and a remarkable human being. If the virtue Noble had to be personified, it would be embodied in Sarjit Mama. To even think of him, is to feel the love. He was a King among men, wealthy beyond riches because of his endless supply of giving and being there in your hour of need, and otherwise. Our hearts go out to my dearest Avtaar Aunty, and his three princesses, all of whom he loved dearly and was supremely proud of. Ameeta, Sangeeta and Vanita, are each special in their own way, and all of them have his goodness in them, nurtured by Avtaar Aunty.

Sarjit Mama's loving pride extended to his grandchildren, his nieces and his nephews and their families, all of whom today bid a final goodbye at the Antim Ardaas Prayer service in the South City Gurudwara in Gurgaon, India. Those of us far away, like my family and myself, his beloved friend and Mate Gurcharan and his family, cry our tears alone in distant lands, with no place to put down the heaviness of the grief in our hearts. 

Sarjit Mama remains as he always was, very special to me. They say you cannot choose your family, but he CHOSE us to be his family. He showed this in every way, every day, from the moment I was born. Before that he CHOSE to call my mother his sister, and he shared the rest of his own family with us. His family became OUR family. Who does that? Who has that kind of a heart? How many such people walk this Earth? This extended family embraced my children and my children in turn were rewarded to have someone like Sarjit Mama to love as their own. I know this to be true, having loved him, that is very important to have someone in our lives about whom we can think of in such a way. It renews one's Faith in humanity, in a world otherwise largely embroiled in lies, hypocrisy and deception. Evils, that were too afraid to even come near Sarjit Mama. 

So its goodbye today, our Dearest Sarjit mama. So tonight you will be the shiniest new star in the Heavens. I suppose the only way to see you again, will be to follow your good examples and embrace your virtues. Sarjit mama, among the many good memories you have left me with, there are also some Tangibles. Lest you forget, we had something very precious in common. See, with that thought, you made me smile amidst the tears flowing down my cheeks! You know what that is? Do you remember? It is the fact, that we both loved the same woman. And I loved her, before you did. You have to grant me that. I found my Avtaar Aunty first! She served you well and supported you in all your endeavors. She supported you in all your relationships, and made every house you ever lived in, a welcoming home and a place of refuge. In one of the darkest moments of my life, that refuge served me well, as it did several others. I just came, and I stayed. No questions were asked, no explanations required. Just comforts of a loving home, and they were mine, till I was ready to leave. The woman we both loved, in our own special ways, my dearest Avtaar Aunty, she loved you and served you till the very end of your days. Your goodness of Character, your noble and distinguished life, leaves her in high esteem in the hearts of all who you loved, all who knew you and in turn loved you. The love returned manifold.

I cannot say Goodbye, not when this heart beats having known the goodness of you. I am sure your Princesses feel the same, as does the rest of the family. 

To know him was to love hymn..He was love, it was his hymn..

With warmest and happiest memories made to last a lifetime and beyond.

Your ever loving,

Veenu

Copyright© 2014 by Veenu Banga

A brief Note on Oil Lamps

Those of us who were raised on the Indian subcontinent know all about oil lamps. They were an intrinsic part of daily life. We encountered oil lamps at home at the family altar, which almost no home, however poor or rich was without. We encountered oil lamps at our friends homes, even in schools and offices, where they were lit at ceremonial functions. Even the shops had, and many still do, their own little altar with a steady flame burning bright. In the community at large, oil lamps are burned at time of birth and death, at marriages and at house warming ceremonies. 

There are the basic one flame lamps, and there are some that have little wedges for multiple wicks heads, for flames jutting out all around the lamps edges. In temples, especially in South India there are huge ornate brass lamps, sitting atop carved pedestal like bases. 

Of-course oil lamps are a staple at the millions of temples and in the myriads of churches across India. Devotees flock to them crossing the borders of religious affiliation, lighting lamps and candles to seek divine intervention. Their abiding faith as un-flickering as the flames burning bright. There is a special solace in the light emanating from these gracious utensils fashioned of clay, metal and stone. 

Traditionally ghee was used in India instead of oil, and still is for all sacred ceremonial purposes. A true union of natures bounty and natural elements, the essence of our beings.  

Copyright© 2012 by Veenu Banga

Karma: How does your life glow?

One of the best definitions of Karma I heard recently was at the end of a talk by Dr. Shailaja Nadkarni of the Chinmaya Mission.

Dr. Nadkarni drew an analogy between Karma and an oil lamp. The wick she said, is Life. The oil is our Karma. When the oil is over, the wick dies and the lamp is extinguished. So it is with our life.

Karma literally translates into Action. As long as we have life, we live it, we determine it by our actions. That is, we go about the business of living which is defined by the steps we take to move along in our life. Our thoughts manifest into efforts and actions, and interactions, which all produce results, impacting not just us, but the lives of all around us. Therefore, it is the quality of our Actions that defines the quality of our life. Just as the properties of the oil, define how the flame burns, so characteristics of our Actions define how our life glows. Is it not so?

How inflammable are you? How do you burn, and how quickly do you burn up? How quickly do you burn out? How far does the glow from the flame in your wick go? What does it do? Does it dance happily reaching up and out, imparting light? Is it feeble, and barely sustainable with a dim light impairing clarity? Are there residual effects of your actions? Are they good, or do you leave a mess, that later you, or sometimes others, have to clean up? What does the aftermath smell like? What do you leave in your wake? Or do you linger, like a comforting aroma, a relaxing presence, long after its gone...

Have you recently used an oil lamp?

Oil lamps are the most fascinating and charming little (or big) things! An oil lamp has an aura of its own and can transform a space. I find it changes the state of my mind, when I make it and light it mindfully.  Please do not even think of comparing an oil lamp with a pre made wax tea light. A wax tea light is just a source for a flame that gives light. It's wick burns pretty steadily, its wax residue is contained in its usually aluminum casing and the fragrance it emanates is pre determined. Pretty predictable, with no effort required to make the wick, nor any control of the wick allowing continuous adjustment, for extending the time the wax will take to burn out.

An oil lamp is a whole other story. Indeed, it can glowingly be compared to Life itself. The wick, the container, and the oil must all be aligned for optimum performance. Lets take it to the next step then. The wick is our life, how thin or thick do we spread it? How far does its neck stick out, burning it down that much the faster. Which oil did you use? Did you use ghee? Did you use a lamp with the wick burning at both ends?

There are three things required for an oil lamp. The lamp itself with a cleft on its edge, for the wick to rest; and a dip in the center for the oil. The wick is rolled from a piece of cotton wool, twisted between the thumb and fingers to give it a strong continuity. It is usually long enough to coil around the base of the lamp, with its tip protruding out over the cleft on the edge of the lamp. Then of course we require the oil or ghee.

Taking it further, if the light is our life, lets say the wick is our body. On the wick depends how long our light burns, and if it burns bright or it flickers needing continuous intervention and care. If the wick is too thick, or too loosely woven, it will absorb too much oil and burn down faster. Therefore the state of our bodies has to be taken into account. If the wick is pulled too far out, it burns faster, and it also smokes, leaving a thin black plume which can stain. The flame too is disruptive and not quite so steady. That equates to how many of us burn out too soon, sometimes over extending our capacity.

We have now established that the oil is our Karma. Now, the kind of oil we use, which determines the flame and the longevity. If you use kerosine or gasoline, both noxious and highly inflammable, the lamp will be just a mass of fire and smoke and noxious fumes. While using rancid oil will pollute the air.  However, if we use say mustard oil or peanut oil, it will have a completely different flame and fragrance. Any vegetable oil will burn slowly and steadily without much fanfare, but emanate a glow of its own, consistent, unwavering, enlightening. Ghee burns slower and steadier and also has a distinctly different aroma.

It is up to us how we light up our lives. How our life glows, and how it feeds our surroundings. A perfect flame on an oil lamp, needs constant adjustment. You can top up the oil, one can adjust the wick, sometimes reigning it in if its burning too fast. We can remove any foreign particles that fall into the oil and so on. So it it is with life.

How is your Karma affecting you? How does it make your life glow?

Copyright© 2012 by Veenu Banga