How do I address you?

 We’ve barely spoken, you and I. 

There are always folks around. You’re so much in demand. You’re adored, worshipped, approached for wish fulfillment, and invoked for the wisdom, which has been unequivocally acknowledged as the Ultimate in all that is to know about life. So, where do I stand a chance? Amidst all this cacophony, what hope do I have to get your attention, especially as I come empty-handed? 

So far, I’ve done quite well, so perhaps I’ll continue. Having said so much already to you has emboldened me. Maybe, you will forgive my lack of formally addressing you. 

So let’s talk. Please? Well, I was listening to music after a very, very, very long time. Listening, as in binge listening, alone with just my thoughts and my longings, after everyone had gone to bed. It was just me and my music. 

While it’s been on my mind these last few days to chat with you, I’m glad I refrained because my emotions were quite different then, and I may have sabotaged my chances. You see, I’ve been holding a grudge. Against you. Now, I did not say that. I just thought it. Oh, and you heard it? You knew? Really? So you do know it all then, huh? 

That’s precisely been my point. If you know it, why have you not done anything about it? Why can’t I get the benefit of your mercy? So, as I was saying, I’m deeply hurt and offended by your lack of sending any, even a minuscule amount of wisdom, my way.  

However, one particular piece of music today mellowed my misery of feeling neglected by you. I sang with the hymn to praise your glory, addressing you by your many names. Oh, I guess that solves the issue of wondering how to address you. 

Here are just some of your powerful names, Shree Krishna. Achutam, Govindam-Gopalam, Padmanabham, Damodaram, Sharanam Bhaja. Shreedhararam, Devikanandam, Gopika Vallabham, Chakradharine. Giridharinam, Poornadevam, Jagannathan, Lokanatham, Jogeshwaram, Vishwaroop Darshine, Lokanathan, Shree Krishnasharnam. NAMAH. It truly gladdened my heart just singing to the mesmerizing music with the voice. Oh, and thank you for the fragrance while I gently chanted along, mindfully keeping silent where there was a chance to mispronounce your holy name. 

My urge at admonishment already seems to have evaporated. Maybe it’s me, having spoken out at last, or perhaps you, the all-knowing? Or maybe it’s both of us, my coming to you, albeit somewhat indignant, and your mercy finally being bestowed upon me. And, because the devil is in the details, I don’t want to know the whys and hows. 

Having thus poured my heart out to you, sleep beckons. Louder than my longing to get to know you. However, we will take it up again, another time. I hope, sincerely. 

Meanwhile, please don’t forget me. Please be kind. How will you show yourself to me? I will worry about that another day, content now to know I’m within your sight. 

Maybe in my dreams? 

Veenu Banga

August 23, 2002

1:37 am.